


Thanos and A Change in the Wind

by AnonEhouse



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Mary Poppins (1964), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Avengers: Infinity War, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Gen, Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 14:25:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16139117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: Thanos is basically a bully. He should have learned better as a child. Well, never too late to learn!





	Thanos and A Change in the Wind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nozomi_Higurashi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nozomi_Higurashi/gifts), [Rjslpets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rjslpets/gifts).



(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

 

"I'm fourteen years old, I still have a nanny. That was weird," Tony said, but he got the impression he was back to talking to himself. Tony was a little, just a little, hurt that Bruce had dozed off and missed his entire disaster... mishap... _adventure_ with Killian and Extremis. It was exciting! But then... as his nanny used to say, "I never explain anything." So maybe it was better that Bruce didn't know the details.

He'd liked his nanny. She'd been stern, but she _listened_ and never mocked anything that really meant anything to Tony. He was pretty sure she tried to get him and Howard reconciled, but it was always a lost cause. He still vividly remembered the day he went off to M.I.T. and she tendered her resignation, even though Howard had offered her a secretarial position. She'd told him she preferred working with actual children.

Howard had given Tony a scowl and a hand wave before returning to his telephone conversation. Tony picked up the last of his luggage and headed for the limo. Jarvis was going to drop him at the train station.

Nanny had walked out the door ahead of him with her umbrella neatly over one arm, and her carpetbag over the other. "Anthony," she said, while carefully pinning her tidy black hat into her hair, "This has been a unique experience for me." She frowned. "And not entirely satisfactory."

Tony had said, "I'm sorry about all the explosions." 

She'd waved his apology off. "Oh, I didn't mean that. I've seen far bigger bangs in my life. I'm older than I look," she said, smiling once more. "No, I regret that I have not done a proper job here." She opened her carpetbag and retrieved a thin card. "I don't usually give these out, but in your case, I feel obliged." 

Tony took the card, bemused. He read, "One Free Nanny Session. Spoilt Brats A Specialty." He turned the card over, and read, "I don't mean you, Tony." He grinned. It was a little funny. He looked up to thank her, but she was gone. "Wow, you're fast." She'd been a very independent lady, and hated to ride in the limo, so she probably was cutting across the grounds to catch a bus, he guessed. He pocketed the card as a memento, pulling his coat tightly around him as a west wind suddenly gusted across the lawn.

 

**Decades Later:**

Tony gave it his all on Titan, but it wasn't enough, he knew it wasn't. Thanos smirked and made some comment about people remembering Tony. 

A sudden gust of wind blew dust in Thanos' face, and he paused to wipe his eyes clear. 

Tony had to blink, too. "Nanny?" he hadn't been drunk or drugged in years, was he hallucinating from shock and blood loss?

"Yes, Tony?" Nanny said. She frowned at him. "Don't slouch. You can't afford it, you're too short."

"Yes, Nanny," Tony said automatically putting his shoulders back. "Ow."

"Tut, tut, that will never do." Nanny opened her carpet bag and pulled out a large bottle, and an even larger spoon. "Grape?" she asked, while pouring a clear syrup into the spoon. It turned purple.

"Blueberry, these days," Tony said, enjoying the hallucination while it lasted.

"Ah. Difficult to keep up with former charges," she said. The syrup turned blue. 

What the hell, Tony let her tip the syrup into his mouth. It tasted like blueberry. And his side stopped hurting. "Thank you, Nanny."

Thanos cleared his throat, with a sound like a flatulent water buffalo. "I don't know who you are, but you can't stop me. I am THANOS!" He roared in Nanny's face.

Nanny resettled her black hat, frowning at the tangled lace. "You are a spoilt brat."

"I am the possessor of the INFINITY GAUNTLET! My merest wish becomes reality. NO ONE STANDS IN MY WAY!"

Nanny's umbrella twisted its parrot head up, and said, "Awk." The parrot's eyes rolled. "Someone's too big for his britches."

"That's Bruce," Tony said, helpfully. "Except that Hulk decided not to come out today. We could have used him, too."

Thanos lunged for Nanny. Nanny reversed her grip on her umbrella and jabbed him in the tallywag. Her aim was excellent. And the parrot's beak was apparently very sharp.

Thanos screamed.

Nanny plucked the Infinity Gauntlet off his hand and put it on her own. It shrank to fit, and became a very demure black lace glove with inset gems. "You," she said sternly, "have misbehaved horrendously. Are you sorry, Thanos?"

Thanos was still clutching at his googlies around the umbrella, but he lifted his head to glare at her. "NO! I did it to save the universe! There aren't enough resources for so many people!"

Nanny frowned. "Most bullies only steal lunch money. I'm afraid I shall have to put you in the Naughty Corner." She lifted her lace gloved hand and a very freakish space full of vividly moving and mutating planets and asteroids appeared in a circular _hole_ cut out of reality. "Dormammu doesn't understand why murdering people is wrong, you will probably be great friends with him." The parrot bit harder.

Thanos shrieked. Nanny swung the umbrella like a cricket bat, with the parrot releasing Thanos at the perfect moment. He flew into the void, and someone even bigger and uglier than him glared at him. The void shrank to nothing, and Titan returned to normal.

Nanny said. "Well Begun is Half Done." 

Tony knew that game. "Tidy up the Nursery?"

"I can't abide all this dust!" Nanny snapped her fingers, and Spiderman's particles reformed back into him, whole and alive. He stared around in a circle.

"Mr. Stark!" Peter ran to Tony and hugged him. Tony resisted for a few seconds and then hugged him back.

Nanny nodded. "Well, that's enough of that," she said after a few moments. "Don't lollygag, children. You, too, Miss," Nanny said to Nebula. Tony didn't even know Nebula was there. "Mustn't dawdle!" She clapped her hands, and another portal opened. 

"Is that Central Park?" Peter asked. 

"Yes, it is, well spotted young man, now shoo, I have much to do." Nanny huffed. "So much dust!"

"My sister!" Nebula said, "Can you..."

"Hmm, pool of acid, nasty. Yes, yes. I'll take care of everything, now run along. Don't be late for supper!" 

 

Tony, Nebula and Peter stepped through the portal into Central Park. People were crying and laughing and hugging. Pepper ran up to Tony. May ran up to Peter. Gamora ran up to Nebula.

Thor twirled Loki and laughed as lightning arced across the sky.

It began to rain, but nobody minded.

**Author's Note:**

> I placed a note on one of my other fics _note: Autocorrect kept wanting Tony to put nannies in his body... ok, yeah, he does need looking after._ (they were supposed to be nanites!)
> 
> Two readers commented on it and I just... had to write it.
> 
>  
> 
> _Nozomi_Higurashi said LOL at autocorrect's "corrections". Tony doesn't just need a nanny._  
>  He needs a Super Nanny. :P
> 
>  
> 
> _Rjslpets said OK - your note gave me a sudden vision of Tony trying a remote piloted suit into space and when it comes down, Mary Poppins is attached to it!_  
>  Actually, I think she could probably take on Thanos...  
>  
> 
> Also note, I still haven't seen Infinity Wars. I'm just going on the crumbs that fandom has been doling out. :^)


End file.
